playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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