It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
