he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize