You're my little dorito
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
