do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
