jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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