its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
