I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
