Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
