I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
