Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
