I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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