if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
