I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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