When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
