There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
