remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
