I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
