I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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