I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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