6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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