It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
