sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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