South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
