My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
