I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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