So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
