Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
