Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
