Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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