to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
