I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
