I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
