everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
