He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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