he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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