wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
