I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
