I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
