i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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