The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have fence marks all over my body
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
