i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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