She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize