You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
