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Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it was like eating out sand paper
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
