he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
