i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
