Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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