Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
