Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
