Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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