Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
