Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
