I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
