Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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