perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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