FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
