Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
