Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
