Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
