Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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