I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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