shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
